I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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