my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
