Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize