i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
