At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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