I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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