I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
