pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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