Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
