I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
