Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize