that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
