I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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