You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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