Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
