guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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