they need to just BURY HIM!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
