I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
