ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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