So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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