So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
