Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
