im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
