I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
