haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
