but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
