I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
