So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
