My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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