He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
