You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
