my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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