pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
