there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize