this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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