Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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