If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
