very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
