i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
did you just send me my own nude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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