At least make sure they are 18
Why
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize