I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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