so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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