So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
