So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
