I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
