I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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