how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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