a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
