I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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