He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
