so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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