people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
