i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
