It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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