Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
