I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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