I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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