he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize