My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
