im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
