Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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