Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
