By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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