Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
