also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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