last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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