Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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