You made me cry and you don't even care
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
