he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You pole danced in your parka.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
