I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
