I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
