How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
