on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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