She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize