theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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