My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
