I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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