Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i came on her dog
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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