we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
