wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
