Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
