im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
