Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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