i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
