I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
