So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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