Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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