I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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