sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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