You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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