That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it glows. i had to have it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
