New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
