Sry I called you an 8
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to calm my uterus...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
