how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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