My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
