guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you had me at cake vodka
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
