sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
