I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize