Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
