Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
