"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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