All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize