How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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