My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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