my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
