just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
