Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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