Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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