i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
