weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize