I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
