I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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