Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
