Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
