I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
