my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
