no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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